Why hello my dearest readers. Today I bringeth you the striking story of a handsome young chap and his beautiful lady. These may be the two most irrelevant blokes to us here in the States, but for some reason unbeknown to me, the news networks have covered this story like a blanket…a very big blanket…the problem is, it feels like July in Arizona and it’s really hot and nobody really needs a blanket…

Now, contrary to my (fabulous) accent opening this piece, and that which was (slightly) evident in my last piece, “Welcome Back…Kinda” (read it), I am not British. I’m American; these colors don’t run. Now, although millions of Americans are fascinated with “the royals” (exaggeration), I am not (understatement).

For those of you who aren’t aware, Prince William and Miss Kate Middleton announced their engagment on Monday, November 16. Prince Willy popped the question while the two were vacationing in Africa last month, British officials say.

While the idea of royalty has always seemed to fascinate us voters, our connection to the homeland is minimal. Our connection to the royals: meaningless.

Now I don’t wish to rain on anybody’s parade, because there is some human interest in this story, but how national moning shows can make this their top story every day is beyond me. The fact that, at times, it was even called BREAKING NEWS boggles my mind. I’m officially boggled.

THIS JUST IN: a well to do foregin man is getting married to an average foregin girl.

Yes, I will aknowledge that Prince William is not your typical Brit, but still, he isn’t the Prince of Nashville.

But here’s the kicker: it happened a month ago. Prince William didn’t hang a sign on top of Big Ben on Sunday! He didn’t put it in some good ole chocolate cake this weekend! There was no Veterans Day surprise or a Thanksgiving “I’m thankful for you baby. Marry me.” Nope.

But, this sin’t just sunshine and roses; the Prince is a rebel you know.

The abcnews.com sub-headline reads:

“William Didn’t Ask Middleton’s Father for Permission Before Popping Question.“

Say it isn’t so! How dare he? What was he thinking?

Yeah, I guess Willy did miss a pretty curtious custom, but in this day and age, is that what really matters most here?

Well what does matter most, you must be asking. I think I’ve figured it out.

The charm that the royal family has, the same charm I’ve been mocking and dismissing this entire column must be real, since I’ve spent over 400 words on it so far. Although there is no reason for us here in the states to care about this story, we do. There’s something. They’ve got the X-factor.

For some odd reason, these people fascinate us, and maybe, that’s one thing–the only thing–the royals have on us regulars. They’ve got ‘it.’

Prince William and his princess-to-be. Wait, will she be a princess? I wish these titles made as much sense as they did in Cinderella...